Winning Against the Odds

At the end of each year my family of ten (my parents, my sister and her husband, my brother, his wife and three children and myself) set off to some exotic location to escape the humdrum of everyday life and to celebrate Christmas and the New Year.

We have always chosen villas because we are a big family that loves home cooking as much as we like to eat out, love the outdoors as well as a good lie-in and we are all such ‘individuals’ we each need our space to do whatever we feel and, villas provide us these options.

As time has gone by, we have been able to fine-tune our likes and dislikes about the villas we’ve stayed in and the key for us is that our villa must be spacious and comfortable because we spend an equal amount of time in it as we do out of it and the whole point of our trips is fun, relaxation and togetherness.

Top twelve things we demand:
1. Villa on a private beach (2 minutes away is just too far for us).
2. 5 bedrooms, 3 is a little cramped but we’ve managed
3. Sunny, 25°+ Centigrade (77°+ Fahrenheit) weather, no flies and mosquitoes.
4. Swimming pool (especially for the children)
5. Housekeeper(on premise staff)
6. Driver and SUV. Otherwise, we‘ve found its better to rent two decent cars instead of one van because we don’t always want to do the same things).
7. Internet service
8. Satellite TV
9. All modern amenities (washer, dryer, dishwasher, family-size fridge/freezer, en-suite bathrooms, spacious kitchen with all modern amenities)
10. Good stereo system (we love our music and karaoke).
11. Water activities, bars, clubs and restaurants accessible, close enough but not near our villa (A five minute walk or drive is reasonable).
12. No cold weather

The Villas
In no particular order and for various reasons, these are some of our favourite villas thus far:
Best location: Plantation Beach Villas, Stonehaven Bay, Black Rock, Scarborough, Tobago, West Indies

Plantation Beach Villas, Stonehaven Bay, Black Rock, Scarborough, Tobago, West Indies

This remains a strong favourite. It was the very first villa we rented and it is what spoiled us. The contrast of living in a plantation house set in a lush, green, tropical paradise, of exotic blooms and the most picturesque view of the sea and the most remarkable weather; never too hot.

The quietness and tranquility of the resort throughout our stay gave it an exclusivity that remains unparalleled. It was Christmas time and they had a nicely decorated tree with faux gifts around it and the staff and management were there at our beck and call. The best feature of the house was the wrap-around veranda where we lounged and ate our meals.

What more could we ask for?

Best architectural plan and best use of materials from the environment: Villa Loiki, Matemwe, Zanzibar (Tanzania)
Villa Loiki, Matemwe, Zanzibar (Tanzania)

A very spacious, open plan villa with porte-fenetres and jalousies, verandas on both floors and built to experience every aspect of the beautiful sea and lush garden no matter where you were in the villa.

Every room overlooked the sea or the beautiful garden outdoors. The architect ensured the experience of the outdoors being indoors and utilized materials indigenous to the village and the island.

There were several places to eat or lounge on the premises, on the almost wrap-around veranda as well as indoors or on the terrace by the pool. During the heavy thundershowers we were able to still sit outdoors protected by the long eaves.

Villa Loiki was very child-friendly and somewhat senior citizen friendly (my parents being octogenarians). Equipped with an adult and kiddies pool, gazebo and barbecue enclosure, there was absolutely no need to go anywhere except to walk on the beach or swim in the Ocean.

Most serene setting: Villa Castello, Anse Kerlan Beach, Praslin Seychelles. One of the main features of this villa was its large verandah that allowed us to lounge and eat outdoors during the torrential rain facing the pool and the sea on our own private beach-one of the most beautiful white sand beaches and clear water seas.
Villa Castello, Anse Kerlan Beach, Praslin Seychelles

The rooms on the ground floor opened out onto the verandah or into the garden so that those of us on the ground floor slept with the doors/porte-fenetres ajar to enjoy the beautiful view of the lush lawn and vegetation, statuesque trees and the sea in the distance.

Ultra modern décor and amenities: Villa Georgia, #29, Frond E, Palm Jumeirah, Dubai

Situated on the luxurious Palm Islands in Dubai, this villa was designed for royalty. From its expansive media room, Infinity pool, surround sound channeled throughout the house, eclectic chandeliers, opulent staircase leading to rooms fit for the stars and a kitchen fitted with the top amenities money can buy, this was more of a staged house than a home.

It didn’t exude warmth but it gave us insight on how one could decorate a luxury home with simplicity and grandeur without being gaudy.

Large expanse of beach front: Casa de Porto Bello, Costa Azul, San Jose del Cabo, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
Casa Portobello, Los Cabos, Costa Azul, San Jose del Cabo, Mexico

Situated in the ritzy, quiet, resort town of Cabo san Lucas, the focal point of this villa was the kitchen/dining room. Not the best-designed villa we’ve stayed in and though it was right on the beach, the sea was too rough and too cold at that time of year but certainly a surfers’ haven. Although there was a heated pool and Jacuzzi, they were never warm enough for us to enjoy. Still worth staying in.

Fantastic view atop a hill: Villa James, San Eugenio, Tenerife.
The smallest place we’ve stayed in for a family of ten. This was more of a small luxury townhouse than a villa. However, it caused us to bond even more because we weren’t spread out as with the other villas. Situated atop a hill, the view of the city during the day and at night was spectacular especially on New Year’s Eve with the firelight displays.

Most friendly, family oriented people and staff: Casa Boa Vista, Buzios, Brazil
Casa Boa Vista, Ferradura Beach, Buzios, Brazil

Cesar & Lucy the caretakers/housekeepers gave us the best of Brazilian warmth and I am not talking about the sunshine. For the first time, my octogenarian parents were a priority to the staff and people wherever we went.

We were up on a hill top but still in walking distance from the sea of which we had a great view from the house. The family room/media room was surrounded by the lush, floral vegetation of Brazil; the large, spacious kitchen opened out onto the patio that faced the swimming pool and we could walk or take the house buggy to the small, quaint city centre to dine or shop.

All in all, the importance of these vacations is to bring us together as a family at least once in the year. This is now part of our family tradition and we shall continue to do so until we are too old to see and even as we lose family members.

During these holidays, my mother (10/12/28 -17/03/11) would sit with her grandchildren creating a nativity, having them write or draw about the things they liked about the vacation. She kept them busy!

Find time to spend with loved ones, educating and exposing the children to different cultures, people and ways of life. It doesn’t have to be on some exotic vacation far away but right at home were you live even to explore the country that you live in via road trips, the Internet or simply story telling in the comfort of your home.

What have you done with your family lately? Do share some of your stories here.

 (#2 of a series of questions I have been asked to answer. This is just a simple analysis not based on any scientific research but just basic life lessons. Read with discretion)

What expectations did you set for yourself to reach the realisation that your life so far has been unfruitful?

Asking yourself this question can be self incriminating at times especially when it is based on other people’s expectations of you or just you being hard on yourself.

I do not compare myself to others because I believe our journeys are all different even if the goals may be the same. I also believe that impatience can get in the way and make you feel that you have not achieved enough, resulting in you feeling worthless.

Not having anything tangible to show for what you’ve achieved doesn’t mean you are less ambitious than the next person or because you aren’t in a salaried job at some renowned establishment means you are less productive than the next.

Sometimes what we plan for ourselves may take a while longer to reach but as long as we remain steadfast, we will achieve it. I also don’t believe there is any particular age that one becomes successful. Success happens all the time, you don’t have to be on the news to feel or be successful.

The little steps you take are success stories in themselves especially when you are doing so on your own. Some people get help and others don’t. If you are your only financial backing and moral support, the road may seem much tougher. However, the achievement is more fulfilling when you look back and realise how far and how much you’ve achieved.

I won a prestigious jewellery award in 2009. No one except one of my closest friends knew I was taking part in this competition and she only found out when I asked her to step in for me at one of the first workshops that I was unable to attend.

I entered this competition as a test to myself that, if I won, then indeed it would be proof to myself that I do have some skill in jewellery design and that those who loved me, my family and friends really truly believed in my talent and weren’t just saying so because they loved me or didn’t want to hurt my feelings for whatever reason.

In my view, winning this award gave me the stamp of approval from a panel of experts in the jewellery design industry. That is, people who did not know me. Winning for me was a test of my talent or skill. It would give me the proof and validation I needed to proceed to the next step in my life.

As planned, as your life may seem to be, you have actually no control over what will transpire on your journey to either push you forward or backward. You must learn to accept the fact that when your plan has to be changed or modified or put on hold for whatever reason, you can choose to take make this work to your advantage or work around it and not impede you.

Easy for me to say? I have experienced this more than once but have not given up. When a curve-ball is thrown at you, use that time to reflect and set in place your Plan B or a new plan. Always have some sort of alternative plan or project you can work on in the interim when things change because of familial, financial or emotional reasons.

The key is not to give up. NEVER!

Being realistic

What I wanted to do with winning my award was very different from what people expected of me. For me, it was about validation and how to turn this validation into something tangible.

My immediate priority wasn’t to create a jewellery line, winning made me see the world on a grander scale or see the opportunities that were now available to me in terms of my creativity and how to use it.

The fact remains that no one should press upon you or me what to do with our skills, talent and time unless they want or have an investment in you. Whatever you choose to do wouldn’t necessarily happen overnight.

It doesn’t matter how many degrees and diploma’s you have, there is still a process to follow. If you don’t have a godparent of friend or family member who is prepared to invest in you and yours skills, you will proceed at your own pace and deal with what life presents to you, and as life is, there are several curve balls that may come your way.

Just because you may be older and are supposed to be wiser, doesn’t mean you are. Sometime we come to crossroads in our lives and have to re-evaluate what we want to do, need to do or must do with what we have at our disposal and this can happen more than once in our lives, contrary to what is believed.

Just because we are older doesn’t guarantee automatic success or knowledge on how to achieve it. It can at times be a long arduous journey but you will get there if you persevere.

I say this because, when you are passionate about something, the deeper the pain, disappointments and discouragements but there is always a light as long as you are able and willing to see it.

When you are stuck, this when you re-examine your plan and goals to determine why things seem to have gone awry. You also need to know when your goals need to be adjusted or discarded or to try something different.

Your measure of success

How do you measure success? Does success always have to be tangible? Can it not be an internal sense of wellbeing, a comfortableness with oneself, that what we have now and where we are is fine?

Why it takes longer for some of us to get where we want to be is dependent on many factors. Our priorities differ and many times emotional, social and financial issues may get in the way of our dreams. This is inevitable. So, don’t let people who are most critical of you place their measurements of success on you. Stay focussed and ignore them.

Unsupportive and critical doesn’t must be avoided. If they aren’t helping you on your journey, ignore them and stay focussed. They too did not get where they were solely on their gifts, there were people there to help them along the way; We don’t live in a vacuum!

Steps to getting you back on track

You have to decide what is important to you. You have to re-analyze your life and the path you are on and how you got there and turn it around by resetting realistic goals.  Stumbling blocks and setbacks are inevitable but you need to have a contingency plan to prevent a re-occurrence and seek help to get around it.

Begin your new journey by re-evaluating your present situation and where you are today and why you feel you have not achieved anything significant. You can get some tips from my article on Creating SMART Goals and Resolutions and use the following questions as a guide in helping you re-vamp your present plan and goals or recreating new ones.

6 Questions To Help Get you Back On Track

1. How did you get to where you are today?
2. Was it preventable? If yes, list the reasons. If no, list the reasons
3. Could you have been anywhere else or done more? If yes, how could your path have been different? If no, explain why.
4. What resources are out there to help you? Make a list and ask people to help you complete this list.
5. What are the stumbling blocks? List them, and then list the activities you need to do to get past them. For example: Is it that your finances are low? What can you do to get the funding you need e.g. sell some things, ask friends and family for possible resource avenues or, what services can you offer in the short term to get more funding like tending a garden, babysitting, cleaning house for a friend or relative for a fee.
6. What measures do you need to put in place to get you from where you are to a better place, where you will feel like you are progressing? Make a list of all activities with deadlines to propel you into action.

Achievements can be intangible but there are always tangible end results. For example, the fact that you may have children you nurture, protect and provide for is evidence of your achievement and a tangible end result.

The fact that you wake up and fulfil your basic, daily chores is an achievement and a step in the right direction because some people are unable to do so for many reasons, physical, emotional or mental but you can.

Beating yourself up gets you nowhere. However, putting an actionable plan in place with deadlines is a start. Don’t look back, look forward

(#1 of a series of questions I have been asked to answer. This is just a simple analysis not based on any scientific research but just basic life lessons. Read with discretion).

There were a couple of things that run through my mind when this question was posed and, I have narrowed it down to eleven (11) questions for you to consider. The first question that comes to mind is:

1. What is it you are searching for?

Imperfect people walk this earth, you, and me included. Once this is

Know your partner’s background

understood, let’s move on to expectations, needs and wants. We need to separate and analyse these three factors.

2. Expectations

A lot of times we may attract the right person but if our expectations aren’t conveyed or aligned to theirs, the likelihood is that the relationship is destined to fail. Sometimes, our expectations, as simple as they may seem may be a milestone for the other person and if this isn’t understood, discussed or shared early in the relationship, there will be insurmountable hurdles to be climbed.

Expectations are your innate desires that you place on another person who is oblivious to this unless expressed by you. However, this desire may or may not be shared, agreed on or accepted by your potential partner, which could be a key deciding factor on whether the two of you are meant for each other or not and how much compromise you are willing to give.

On the contrary, how many of your potential partner’s expectations can you live up to if they do have any and how reasonable are yours?

3. Background check: Get to know the person well before you make the plunge Get to know the person first and be sure of what it is you want, need and expect before you make the plunge.

There are always tell-tale signs that should be heeded to. Find more about their background; familial, friendships, and upbringing. This is extremely important. Dig and dig deep.

You may beg to differ that love conquers all but trust me, one day, not learning more about them and their background will rear its ugly head and you will only have yourself to blame.

How many times do we hear about people who knew their partner came from a background with a history of violence and are surprised when they subjected it? The key here is to know what you are getting into.

Not everyone from a dysfunctional background is dysfunctional but it is important to know as much as you can about him or her for the benefit of creating and nurturing a good healthy relationship together.

4. Tell-tale signs

If right from the beginning your love interest doesn’t want to invest the time to get to know you, this is indication of what is yet to come. Get to know each other over a long period of time.

Get to spend time with them, their family and friends. If you can’t, use what is available to you from phone calls, Skype etc. to do so. Be weary of those who hide behind text messages. If the person only texts you, never calls, visits or makes the effort to spend time with you, be weary. Don’t sell yourself short.

5. Listening

Listen to what they say, how they respond to you and what they tell you about relationships with friends, colleagues, supervisors and all people in general. This will help you understand them better and determine if they are a right fit for you.

6. Impatience

Agreed, we live in a fast paced world where people don’t want to waste time with getting to know you better when there other people who will give in to them in a shorter space of time. Let them go.

Know that there are a plethora of factors to consider when choosing a partner

There still exists those men and women who will out-wait the others, who know to pick and choose the apple from the top of the tree and not the rotten ones on the ground and will take their time to court you. Too old school for you? Then, you will continue to choose Mr or Ms Wolf in Sheep Clothing.

When a person chooses to be with you in the true sense of the word, they will move mountains to do so. They will move mountains, not an anthill or a molehill, a mountain and are willing to wait and not rush you into anything.

On the other hand, your impatience may also prevent you from making good choices. When you have limited or no options and a bad seed appears you tend to overlook all the signs because, you are so impatient to share your life with someone who shows you the slightest interest you make a hasty decision that leads to heartbreak.

Yes, there are people who meet and immediately know they’ve found the right person and may seem to live happily ever after but those relationships do go through their fair share of hardships too. s Having too many choices may also not allow you the patience to weed out the trash from the quality. Be careful and take your time. You want to attract someone who is in it for the long haul.

7. Wholeness: What makes your life so incomplete without a partner? Is what you need and what you want conflicting or the same thing?

Decide why you want to be in a relationship. Is it is for procreation? Is it for tax purposes, is it to improve your lifestyle, is it truly because you want the companionship, are you lonely or do you just want someone to take care of or take care of you?

Be sure about what you truly need and what you want and be as transparent and open about it from the start. See it as entering into a business deal and lay down the stakes.

8. Personal Fulfilment: This cannot be found outside of yourself or in someone else. They can only complement or enhance your existence. Is it necessary to be in a relationship to feel complete and fulfilled?

Be as honest as you can with yourself. What is missing from your life that you feel the other person will fill? Is your life peaceful and if it is, do you need someone else in it? If it isn’t peaceful how will this person bring peace to it?

9. Your Frame of mind

What was your frame of mind when you met the potential partner? No matter how self-assured you may be, you can still be vulnerable and attract the wrong person simple based on misconception or haste or for whatever reason.

What unique ways or places did you find your perfect partner or would suggest that others do?

Desperation and innocence, as old as you may be, can also work against you and the choices you make.

Having a more stable, calm, clear mind-set will help you better in your decision-making process.

10. The meeting place

There may be several reasons why you are attracting the wrong person but believe me, where or how you find them is also a key determining factor. Where are you meeting these people and what is your screening process or process of elimination?

Know that there are a plethora of factors to consider when choosing a partner ranging from age, lifestyle, and background to personal accomplishments. Do you want a young person who has a lot or no life experience or someone your age and set in their ways or someone much older with all the life experience in the world?

Do your research and know where to find them. We are all so busy these days whether indoors or outdoors that we have limited the chances of meeting people. A meeting can happen anywhere but you can also choose where to find what you think you want.

Our reasons for being in a relationship are not all the same and therefore where we find love will differ. Understanding your wants, needs and expectations should help guide you to where the right person will be.

If you want a successful affluent partner, frequent places where these people will possibly hangout e.g. luxury cruises, cigar lounges, exclusive country clubs, spas or exhibitions. If you want the artisan, do your research and frequent the coffee bars and artist hangouts. Hold parties that will bring them there.

Socialise in circles where those kinds of people frequent and if you think this is impossible for whatever reason where you live, make everyone who cares about you know you are looking to help you find the right person. They usually know what’s best for you.

11. Get out of your comfort zone

Times have changed and we spend much more time out of contact than in contact. Treat your desire as a business and make a plan to snare the best possible person for you. Today, we have a wide range of options at our disposal for where we can meet potential partners, ranging from friends homes, libraries, parks, malls, family outings and online where people are seated at home behind their computers searching for someone like you.

The point here is that, times have changed and we need to evolve with it. We aren’t as social as we use to be, which makes finding the right person or accessing them more difficult, which at times leading to bad choices made in desperation.

As unnatural as it sounds, put together a business plan that takes into consideration your wants, needs and desires and all the possible ways you can meet the perfect partner for you and, treat the process as an investment.

Think about it, traditionally, men were said to be hunters and women, the prey/hunted. Today we are all hunters as well as prey and, all hunters must have a strategy to catch their prey, and so can you. Go out there and catch the perfect one for you!

What unique ways or places did you find your perfect partner or would you suggest that others do?

Understanding your wants, needs and expectations should help guide you to where the right person will be